For those of you who were not aware, I have been in the hospital since last tuesday awaiting surgery on my gallbladder but because I am on a bloodthinner due to my atrial fibrillation issues, I had to wait several days until it was safe to operate. Incidentally for those of you who really don’t care to hear about my medical problems, -and that’s understandable -, you can drop off now and I’ll see you at the next post.
My surgery was yesterday and apparently went well. The gall bladder was removed using the laprascopy Which involves cutting 3 small holes in the abdomen and getting the offending bladder out that way.
I understood that but what I did not know until this morning was that the belly button hole is the one used for the exit and only after Betty Beier, an Illinois friend called me and asked me to lift my dress and see if my belly button was sore. (Sorry Betty, no pictures.) did I understand that.
I’ve been told since I was a small child that if your belly button should ever become untied, your butt would fall off. My belly button hole is all swollen so it’s impossible to determine what the surgeon did, however, if my butt does fall off, the first call I am gping to make is to weightwatchers and tell them I have a great new idea on the instantaneous loss of anywher from 20 pounds up to….,, up t…, well, actually, the possibilities are endless.
I’m ready to get out of here now and the okay has been given but as many of you know, hospital policy says that after invasive surgery, bodily functions have to have retuned before the authorities wull let you leave the premises. A trip too the urinal and the stool with results are required. Actually, the stool part can be passed -no pun intended- just by passing a certain amount of gas which proves that your gut is working and it’s only a matter of time until the main event will occur.
I asked the surgeon how much gas was required and he replied that it I could make ast least two of the folks at the nurses station, some 50 feet away, scream and run out of the room, that should do it.I figured I could do that as soon as Susie arrived.SHe serves as my assistant.
“And we’ll go you one better” he continued, ‘if you can evacuate the first floor -we were on the third -, we’ll cast your gallbladder in bronze and attach it to a plaque.’
“Good Lord, that sounded good.” I thought. I’d love to get my granddaughter one of those plaques.
“Where do I sign up?” I said. “I know this special little gal would love to have one of thse plaques. She loves plaques.”
“Oh, I’m not done yet. If you got the flatulence to reach the Speedway filling station up on the corner, we’ll make you a member of the bowling team. Probably even throw in a clean bowling shirt.We got some chanpion gas producers on that team.” He smiled and winked at me.
Wellll. How could I refuse that? I used to be a pretty good bowler.I looked up to the far off corner and thought that with the wind behind me and a little luck, -it would still take a great yank on my finger from Susie- I could make it. . I’ll have to consult with Susie when she gets back from her shopping trip.
Oh wait, here she comes now. I’ll get right back to you.